Two couples share how God has grown them

By Katie Ginn

For this year’s Marriage Issue, MCL Editor Katie Ginn interviewed two couples about how God has grown them through their marriages – and what advice they would offer newlyweds.

Jason and Carrie Cook work at Park Place Christian Academy in Pearl, where Jason is head football coach and director of development, and Carrie is head of Crusader Care, the after-school and summer camp program. They have four kids (two boys and two girls), ages 9 to 18, and attend Park Place Baptist Church.

James and Natasha King are entrepreneurs and authors who provide wellness products through Partner.Co. Their son, TJ, is 11. They attend Holy Ghost Baptist Church in Clinton.

Katie Ginn: How did each of you meet, and what were your first impressions? 

James King: We met in third grade. Did all the same activities (through high school, too), but we never ran across each other. But in 2004, I went to my mom’s job … and when we were in the office, a familiar face walked in. 

Natasha King: I didn’t know his mom was who she was, I just knew I called her ‘Mom,’ because my parents always said, befriend the people who help you. And she became ‘Mom’ because she’s just feisty and lovable. … He was that familiar face visiting his mom on his lunch break.

Jason Cook: I was working at Jackson Prep, and Carrie came along a couple years later. (We) had a lot in common. 

Carrie Cook: He was the cute, single coach that caught my eye. 

JC: I looked over (in the staff meeting) and she had this big beautiful smile, pretty eyes, and I just thought, ‘Mmm, OK.’ Little did I know that she would be my wife.

CC: His first period class, I was subbing in there the next period. I didn’t realize you were supposed to wait until the class was over before you went in. And so I just walk in the class, and he’s in there sitting at his desk, and he had his Bible open … He smiled and was kind. He could’ve made fun of me and said you’re supposed to wait outside. (laughs)

NK: In middle school, (James) had a high-top fade, glasses, and this duck tail that the boys used to wear. … I will admit (when we met later) I thought, he’s all right. 

JK: Natasha is extremely beautiful (then), but I couldn’t say (much) because I was in a relationship. Years down the line, in about 2009, I was like, ‘She is (pauses) extremely beautiful.’ The way she carried herself. She would always wear this long green sweater, and she always wore her hair up in a bun. I enjoyed her smile. And every time I saw her out, it was like she was floating across the room. 

KG: So you hit it off and got married … What were y’all least prepared for in marriage? 

NK: God said to give up everything. Everything. (And) He has been so faithful in guiding us – because where I thought we would have the careers, finish the degrees … God said, can I interrupt?

JK: The hardest part for me is allowing myself to believe fully in marriage again. (From) the way my first marriage ended, to step back in and believe … I had to come into this relationship fresh, not bringing my past into it.

KG: How did you do that?

JK: Number one, I forgave my past. (And) we became friends. (She) was with me after that divorce and never let me hold my head down. She only spoke to the James she knew God created me to be. 

CC: For me, (I was least prepared for) being comfortable being myself – the good, the bad, and the ugly … When you’re dating, and even in the first few years of marriage, (you’re) putting your best foot forward. (And) I got to the point where when I wasn’t good, I wasn’t right, and he was still faithful, patient, understanding – I was not expecting that. 

KG: Was there a specific moment when that happened?

CC: We’ve had two failed adoptions. I think the first one was a newborn. And that was probably the toughest thing I’ve been through emotionally. (The) way he nurtured me and how we walked through that together … That’s as vulnerable as I had probably gotten.

JC: I was least prepared for all the stir fry she made in the first year of marriage. (laughs) No, this may seem a little weird, but I was least prepared for how normal our marriage was going to be. I had wonderful parents (but) I’ve still seen a lot of dysfunction. (So) glory to God for the peace and normalcy. 

CC: I’m glad you think it’s normal. 

JC: Most of the time. (laughs)

KG: What about your biggest challenge as a couple now?

JC: (We) go somewhere after school every day, it seems like, with four kids and the activities. … We know how to say no and how to manage our time, but … trying to keep the main thing the main thing in the midst of that is a challenge.

CC: I tell a lot of new moms, you just think you’re busy … I was not expecting the busyness of big kids, who can do things for themselves except drive. 

NK: I, at times, feel like I need to meet so many expectations (but James will) often bring me back in and say, let’s focus on what things are going to help us get to the goals that we have. 

I love to cook. And I want to make sure that we have healthy meals … I want the plate to be colorful and beautiful. (He’ll) often tell me, you don’t have to do that. That’s one of those things; you think that’s an expectation that you have to meet, but you don’t have to.

JK: Something that could be a challenge (is) finding ways to be grateful in our marriage. I make sure every day, even 13 years later, I still say thank you for cooking the incredible meals. 

And staying focused on the goals. Learning what’s urgent and what’s important. Some things are important, but they’re not urgent. 

KG: Both of you couples either work directly together or at least at the same place. What is that like? 

NK: At first, it was an adjustment because we are like night and day. I’m an early riser. I shut it down by 10 (p.m.). James is a night owl. He can work clear through till 4 o’clock (in the morning) and be fine. Also, he is the type that once he’s focused on something, nothing else around him matters … (whispers) I need silence.

(But) now,  we’re so used to each other, it’s fun. We know what works for each other. We know what tasks each one is focused on. 

It helps when you like each other and enjoy each other. (And) I think the biggest thing is, it’s really not about us when we’re working. Most of the time, we’re focused on serving. 

JK: With our platform being love, marriage, and partnership … God gave us that peace to be together in the same house almost 24 hours a day. We read where it said, two shall become one … We have the same email address, the same website (together). 

Natasha always calls me a doer, but she is an incredible organizer. So whatever our goal is, she’ll organize it and put it together. 

JC: When we had our second child, the Lord led Carrie to be home full time for 14 years. No regrets at all there. (But when I was) here working (or) in administration, the job was demanding and it did require long hours, but she was really good about showing up with the kids and making herself at home. And we love being around each other. 

CC: That was kind of a motivator for me to come back to work (to be around Jason more). 

JC: Well, she was here (at Park Place) so often, I said, you might as well get paid. (laughs)

KG: James and Natasha, explain more about the Partner.Co business y’all run together.

JK: When Natasha and I first got together, I was a little big. She was big on working out, eating healthy. But over the years, our weight and our health journeys have been up and down. For 10 years, she struggled with inflammation, her feet and ankles swelled up, starting when she was pregnant with TJ. 

But then we heard about (Partner.Co’s) Tahitian Noni juice. … Three weeks after drinking it, her inflammation went down. Then we started using more of the products. We have released 71 pounds together so far. So just having these products that are all natural, no stimulants, and introducing them to the community (has been a blessing).

KG: How has God grown each of you individually through marriage? 

NK: Before marriage, I was very goal-oriented. I still am. But I was focused on goals I could achieve myself. (Now) the things God has us doing, it’s going to take more than just you. 

In 2015, James gifted me with a conference to go to (and at the conference they asked) … What do you want? Why do you want it? And what are you willing to sacrifice to get it? I wanted to work in God’s purpose with my husband. Why was because nothing would be more fulfilling. And what was I willing to sacrifice? Self. 

(Over the years) God showed me what that really meant. It’s not about you. It’s really about, how can we keep Him in the center but love His people? 

JK: For me, it’s been two things. First, leadership. Believing I am a leader, that I am capable. 

Also, having self-confidence. … I never, all through grade school, through college, never felt like I fit in. I always felt like the oddball – even in church. (But Natasha has taught me) it’s OK to be yourself; love who you are. 

CC: I’ve always known marriage is a picture of Christ and the church … But for me, seeing his faithfulness and loving me just for who I am, all these years later, it just gets better and better. I get more and more relaxed with who I am. 

I see the way God sees me because of the way (Jason) sees me … I know there’s nothing I’ve done to deserve it, and there’s nothing I’ve done to deserve Christ’s love and His forgiveness.

JC: I remember praying, before I ever met her, ‘Lord, if there is someone out there that You have for me, I simply want her to love You more than she loves me.’ I instinctively knew that would work. (laughs) I did not grow up in the church. I didn’t see a lot of this. But I’ve grown so much watching her. 

KG: What advice or encouragement would y’all give to a newlywed couple or a couple who’s engaged? 

NK: (When I was single) I had a list. My friends called my list ‘the suit’ because it was so detailed and probably ridiculous, too. (Then) a friend shared a poem with me, and part of the poem said, ‘Lord, prepare a husband that’s going to love me with the love of Christ.’ That was enough. 

KG: Explain ‘the suit.’ What did that mean?

NK: The list was – I’m tall, I’m 5’11”, and James is 5’11”. The suit was probably about 6’2”. (And) outside of the aesthetics, I was looking for someone with the humor, the intellect, all the things that I thought were what I wanted. 

But I realized that most times when people have a list, it’s to protect their insecurities. (You’re) creating this ideal to protect you from getting hurt. So dismiss all of that. So I dismissed the whole suit. And this man, he can hang a suit well – 

JK: I appreciate that. 

NK: But he doesn’t care to wear suits. (It all comes back to), Lord, prepare a husband who’s going to love me with the love of Christ – while also preparing me to be the wife to receive him. 

JK: I think I can boldly say, if you are someone who just wants to get married (for its own sake), don’t do it … because becoming husband and wife is daily work … It’s two people coming together with a mandate and mission from God (that) nobody else can do. 

(Another) part of the work is learning the love languages. (Natasha) don’t want no flowers. She likes quality time, classes, books, learning. If it is a flower, it was a bonsai tree that she had been wanting a long time. We were just riding down the street on Old Canton, and there was a bonsai truck, and I made a U-turn and got her a bonsai tree, because she rarely asked for things. 

JC: Some people try to squeeze themselves into a marriage when God has something else for them. You can think of many people, the apostle Paul – (marriage is) not necessarily for everyone. Don’t force it. 

And when we come to Christ, we die to self … It’s not about me. It’s about serving my wife. It’s about loving her the way Christ loved the church. The ultimate aim for us (is that) this lost and dying world that sees us would be led to the foot of the cross … Our marriages should be redemptive stories.

CC: My advice would be to hang in there, do the hard things on the hard days, because there’s a good day coming – and be ready to forgive. … Christ laid that foundation for us in His perfect example. 

JC: And one more thing … For so many people, the wedding is the finish line – when really, it’s the start. I’ve seen a lot of money wasted on beautiful weddings that lead to sad marriages. 

CC: You can really have a happy, fun marriage. That’s not because it’s perfect, or you’re perfect, or they’re perfect. 

And it is crazy when you first meet … I was just enamored, and he doesn’t look the same now, but he’s even more handsome to me now. 

(And) maybe this is more for the moms: The way you treat your spouse and persevere in a marriage, you’re teaching (your kids) – because if the Lord allows them to be married one day, I want our kids to look back and see us doing the hard things, having fun, disagreeing but then being friends, serving the Lord together. 

One of my greatest joys is when they come into the living room in the morning and see us in the Word, in separate spots but together. So sometimes, put yourself aside and do it for them.