By Annalissa Cochran
What does it mean to be nice? What does it mean to be kind? These two words are often used interchangeably, but they can have two different meanings and expressions that are worth exploring.
First, what is the difference between being nice and being kind? Anyone can be nice. I’m sure Hitler himself could come across as “nice” when he would shake the little hands of children, or as he wooed his cohorts with priceless works of European art. But was he kind? Absolutely not. Kindness is not something that sews together a perfect tapestry of visible hospitality. It is something much more raw and real. It is more like a haphazardly sewn patchwork quilt – a life not worrying about the thoughts and opinions of others so much as the welfare of others. Niceness doesn’t always indicate care, but kindness always does.
The word “nice” has a long and ambiguous history with many meanings over the centuries. The original meaning of “nice” in the English language is unknown, but we do know “nice” comes from the Latin word “nescius,” which fascinatingly translates to “ignorant.” On the other hand, kindness is part of how love is defined in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, beginning with the well known words, “Love is patient and kind.”
Also, “nice” isn’t an adjective that describes Jesus. Was it “nice” to overturn the tables in the temple? To onlookers, it probably wasn’t a very “nice” scene – one with all of its orderly tied bows of society. But was it kind? Of course. He cared about the holiness of His Father’s house. There is kindness in rebuke from the righteous. “Let a righteous man strike me – it is a kindness; let him rebuke me – it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.” – Psalm 141:5.
What will we do when we see our friends caught in the snares of gossip or any other sin? Will we have the courage to speak truth in love and call that friend out in kindness? Are we willing to name the sin for what it is with gentleness and with the posture that we know we are just as capable of falling into that trap? In true friendship, though calling someone out can be uncomfortable. Real kindness is willing to live in the momentary discomfort for the long-term care and welfare of that brother or sister in Christ.
Was it “nice” for Jesus to call the Pharisees “hypocrites” or “blind guides”? You can hear the collective gasps of a roomful of Southerners. Far too often, we value what is nice over what is kind. We hide behind titles like “The Hospitality State,” welcoming others with a fabricated smile and perfect cheese spread while whispering about their disorderliness in the shadows, careful to only speak of it with those who share the same delight in propping up their own pride at the expense of others. We can blindly hold Miss Manners in higher esteem than those who have boots on the ground for the kingdom.
What does being “nice” say about someone’s character? Honestly, very little. If we aren’t wary, niceness can vegetate in its own echo chamber of fools. It is easy enough to get along with those who look like us, who have the same life experiences as us, and who have the same income as us. But what about those who are different? Do they hold the same value in our eyes? That is the real test of kindness.
Zechariah 7:9 says, “Thus says the LORD of hosts, Render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another, do not oppress the widow, the fatherless, the sojourner, or the poor, and let none of you devise evil against another in your heart.” Kindness is the fruit that erases all bigotry and pride. That kind of love is an overflow of the heart – something that no amount of “nice” mustering can supply.
Be encouraged that Christ made true kindness possible through His perfect kindness and sacrifice. Friends, may we all go forth together with hearts that long to be kind over nice every day and for all time.
Annalissa Cochran and her husband, Roberdeau, live in Flowood, where they are raising their two sons. Annalissa enjoys reading, writing, history, travel, and pancake Saturdays.