By Chris and Stacy Bates
Often, the best thing about travel is immersing in scenes and terrain that are new and different. Individually or together, over the years we have explored the Rockies, Smokies, West Coast mountains, Tetons, Montana mountainscapes, and many of the most beautiful views in North America. Neither of us, though, had spent time around the Rio Grande Gorge in the non-snow months until last summer.
The area near the southern end of the Gorge near Taos, New Mexico, has vistas and characteristics unlike any other. How the river, along with earthquakes and lava flows, carved the earth in this valley into what it is today is nearly beyond comprehension. While science explains the process having occurred over millions of years, we try to grasp the forces that God and nature have in play.
Similarly, the evolutions that occur in our lives can be equally hard to grasp. For us, there are many things that we love well. Our lives are often filled with travel, young grandchildren, football, projects, family, music and concerts, friendships, and quiet home time. Our cups sometimes overflow.
Transparently, though, we also get it out of perspective, and we don’t put gratitude at the forefront. We let the world influence us and interfere. Living in the world gets hard, and the hard times sometimes match all of the things we love most. For us, our marriage is amazing, and it is not at all pristine. We seek to live authentically, and that must include knowing that we are broken individually and together.
We have learned and grown from so many different sources and will continue that path. When we are open to it and seek it, we are poured into by mentors, church, counselors, sponsors, friends, family, and yes, even our children. Each of these sources teaches us much. We have also learned that in our marriage, each of us individually needs to draw a small circle around where our own feet are planted and work to change only what is within that circle.
All of us make choices about how we live. Romans 12:2 reminds us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Sometimes we do it fairly well, sometimes not. When we look at the big landscape, we realize that the world’s ways are not God’s ways, but they are accessible and easy to follow.
It is not about things always being easy. It is not about arriving. It is about moving forward. We heard recently that there are only three answers to a prayer: “yes,” “not yet,” and “I have something else in mind for you.” Man’s great challenge is trusting “not yet” or “something else.” The world gives fear, loss, and despair. It pulls us toward ingratitude. In our marriage, we try not to be led there; sometimes we succeed.
God gives love, grace, and sometimes not the answers we want. If we focus well, He also gives us things we love. He is constantly carving into us with forces we cannot possibly comprehend. Our role is to, as best we can, fully realize His deep design for relationship and love.
Chris and Stacy Bates have been married since 2011. They live in Madison, attend St. James Episcopal Church, and have adult children and three grandboys.