By Courtney Ingle
Romance after having kids can be challenging to maintain. But romance in marriage is a blessing! God created us to experience romance. There’s even a whole book of the Bible dedicated to it, the Song of Solomon. To maintain romance, you’ll have to treat your marriage like the living, breathing thing it is. You have to take care of it. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned (the hard way, so you don’t have to) on maintaining romance in marriage after having kids.
Parent as a team
Ensure you’re on the same page about parenting the kids. This sounds simpler than it is! What if you feel your husband is too stern or not stern enough, or he feels that way about you? Discuss it privately, and then let the offender discuss it and apologize if necessary with the kids. Nothing will kill your affection for your spouse faster than feeling like you’ve been trumped over the kids.
Communicate more than necessary
We’re designed for intimacy on all levels, not just physical. Talking it out eliminates confusion since none of us are mind readers. It also opens the door for vulnerability. Most of our marital mood killers have come from “I thought you meant this” or “I didn’t know that.”
Carve out time
We’ve told our kids, “It’s adult talk time.” Interrupting is rude anyway, but sometimes they cannot interrupt unless it is an emergency. That way, we can get the day’s business out of the way before bedtime. When you’re apart, a quick text or email to let your spouse know they’re on your mind can reinforce romance. A simple “I love you” goes a long way when you’re having a tough day.
Enforce bedtime
Bedtime is a special time in our home. We each lie with one of the kids, read, say bedtime prayers, and cuddle with the kids until they’re asleep. But then, Mom and Dad hats are traded for Husband and Wife hats. Romantic feelings can die on the vine when you don’t take the time to water the intimacy.
Forget what romance looked like before kids
Before the kids, it wasn’t uncommon for my husband to invite me to lunch and keep gum stocked for that after-lunch kiss before heading back to work. Now, if he invites the three of us to lunch, it takes strategic planning akin to prepping a convention center for a political rally.
After kids, romance looks like teamwork. My husband is making my magnesium supplement drink while I turn on his favorite show, with the volume down and the captions on. When I return from the store, I surprise him with his favorite chips, and he’s helping the kids draw me a picture. Finally, when the kids are asleep and all is quiet, the distractions are eradicated, and everything else fades away.
Courtney and her husband, Jeremy, live in Brandon and are members at Park Place Baptist Church in Pearl. They have a daughter, Taylor, and a son, Jacob. Courtney is a full-time homemaker and can be reached at courtneyingle89@gmail.com.