By LIBBO CROSSWHITE
When I was young, I was fascinated with subway stations. My sister attended college in Boston and moved to D.C. shortly after graduation and my brother lived in New York City. So, my time spent with them was in big cities with intricate, underground worlds of fast-moving trains.
There was always this inner adrenaline/anxiety that I experienced those short moments before the train doors closed. Did we get on the right one? Am I on here by myself? There were very few moments before the train began moving, so decisions had to be made quickly and correctly. In the last two and half years, becoming a mom of two has brought back that exact same feeling of adrenaline and uncertainty.
Every moment I feel as if I am plagued with an inner dialogue—moments before the train doors close:
- Did I turn the oven off? Shoot. I totally didn’t. Clay is going to be SO annoyed that I burned the house down.
- Is Russell’s head supposed to be this big? Let me Google to find out the top 100 diseases he probably has.
- When is the last time I changed the washing machine? I think they have been in there a week. I should probably throw in a Tide pod and give it another spin for good measure.
- Is today the day that people are going to be able to tell that I have 100% absolutely NO CLUE what I am doing with these two human beings? Russell, don’t eat that!
I could go on and on with ramblings from this tired, partly working brain of mine. I am the mom that enjoys sharing the reality of what it looks like to be mom of two all while trying to retain some of the fragments of my “old” life. I used to be cool? No. I was never cool—but that’s how I want to remember it.
I will never forget seeing a friend at the grocery store one afternoon and her telling me, “Your Facebook posts make me feel so much better about being a mom. I feel like if you can be a mom, anyone can be a mom. “ At first thought, I was totally amused and only partly offended until I realized that her statement was total truth.
I am reminded daily that I am no more qualified to be a mother in this fast-paced, quite-honestly scary, world that we live in today than I was the day before. Yet, God has stepped in and shown me what sacrificial, real, unconditional love looks like. And my job is to mirror that love as best I can, knowing that I will fail. Hourly. Daily. Weekly. You get the point.
Regardless of how we became a mom or if we are yet to be a mom and so desperately long for the title of mom—God has beautifully ordained our time on the crazy train of motherhood. Maybe we have made a career of motherhood (there is NO doubt a VIP section in Heaven for those mamas!) or maybe we are balancing work and motherhood.
Maybe you’re a young mama or an older mama, maybe you had years filled with heartbreak and loss on your journey to motherhood, or were surprised with a baby within your first year of marriage (hand raised). Maybe you rescued your sweet creation through adoption or gained a son or daughter through a marriage—there are so many ways that God blesses us and creates a motherhood story for us to share.
The truth is that God’s perfect plan is interwoven into the tapestry of our lives and we have received the high calling to hop on board this motherhood journey.
The book of Esther has always been a favorite of mine for many reasons, mainly because of the underlying message of hope and redemption for all of God’s people—even those that feel that they are not worthy or able to play a major role in God’s plan. Not once in the entire book is the word “God” mentioned, yet his plan is so clear and evident in the life of Esther, a beautiful orphan who lived out an Old Testament version of The Bachelor and received the final rose to become Queen. Despite her insecurities and her fear of failure, she played a major role in saving an entire population of people that would centuries later allow for our Savior and King to be born.
Esther’s bravery saving the entire Jewish population is what I am going to need today to convince my toddler that we don’t need to add to our My Little Pony collection while in the check out line at Walmart.
I have this verse etched on my heart: “Perhaps, you were created for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).
Perhaps, you and I were created to love, serve, and show our children the love of Christ. Not perfectly, but genuinely. God has called us to raise up this next generation. To save them and show them the fierce, never-changing love of a Savior so that they can one day do the same for the next generation. Perhaps, we have the most important job in the world.
So, I hope that you will hop aboard and join the fun.
Libbo Crosswhite and her husband, Clay live in Brandon and attend Pinelake. They have one daughter, Mary Thomas, who is 2 years old and a son, Russell, who is 6 months old. She is the high school guidance counselor at Madison-Ridgeland Academy.