By Shay Greenwood
Even though our first four children are grown and living on their own, it doesn’t mean that my calling as their parent is over. I have found it’s important for me to be intentional about how to love and encourage them in this season for God’s glory.
Some of the best things I have learned in this season with our children is to ask for forgiveness while confessing my own sin, making sure I’m stoic in my facial expressions, and asking questions first – waiting for them to ask for advice.
None of these comes naturally. There have been many moments where I’ve had to ask the Lord to help my face not say what my mouth wants to. But I’ve learned that our reactions can either invite our children in … or shut them down.
Scripture reminds us in James 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” That verse feels like it was written specifically for parenting adult children. When they come to us, what they need most is not immediate correction but a safe place to land. Only Jesus can help me with this.
One of the most impactful shifts for me has been learning to ask questions before giving advice. Questions communicate respect. They say, “I trust that God is working in you, too.” Proverbs 20:5 (ESV) tells us, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” Asking thoughtful questions allows us to draw out what God is already doing in their hearts instead of rushing in to fix. I naturally want to fix it all for everyone.
In the book “Doing Life with Your Adult Children,” Jim Burns talks about moving from being a manager to being a consultant. That perspective has helped me tremendously. He says, “You now have influence, not control.” That preaches to me! Influence requires humility, patience, and a deep trust that God loves our children more than we do.
Confessing our sin and asking for forgiveness has also been a game-changer in our family. There is something incredibly disarming about a parent saying, “I have been struggling lately with xyz too, and this is how God has helped me,” or “I was wrong … ” It doesn’t weaken our authority. I have found that it strengthens our relationship. It models the gospel in real time.
This season of parenting looks different, but it is just as sacred. We may not be tying their shoes or packing their lunches anymore, but we are still called to point them to Jesus through our words, our posture, and our example.
So if you’re in this season with me, take heart. Keep showing up. Keep loving well. Keep trusting God with their story. Even when it’s hard. I see you! God sees you!
Because our role hasn’t ended, the mission is the same – it just looks different.
Shay Greenwood is a Certified Kingdom Life Coach who loves helping women live with more love, joy, and peace in their lives. She’s a wife to Roosevelt and mom to Bria (Cameron), 28; Chandler (Bo), 26; Noah, 24; Jacob, 23; and Adam, 13. You can find her @shaygreenwood on Facebook and Instagram and @MommaJaywood on Tiktok.
