By Courtney Ingle
Photo by April Garon Photography
As parents, it is our divine duty to raise our children to glorify God. We are trusted to raise them up, protect them, teach them, and lead them. But in some ways, it isn’t about what we do directly to or for our kids, but what we model.
Because we’re raising future spouses.
What an honor, a privilege, and an absolutely terrifying task! Can you imagine? The arguments, the irritations, and the barely-getting-bys are having just as much of an impact on our kids as anything else. They’re learning how we handle things, and thus how they should handle them later with their own spouses.
This is why my husband and I allow room for “tabling” discussions. If we’re getting into a heated conversation, I don’t want to say anything out of anger. Not only do I not want to disrespect Jeremy or tear him down, but I also don’t want to teach my kids that it’s OK to tear down their future spouse – or to tolerate being put down or disrespected. If walking away from a conversation for a moment (even without winning) teaches my kids to tackle arguments with their future spouse patiently, respecting the other person and their own weaknesses, then that’s a win in my book.
Funny story: My husband and I can’t stand Valentine’s Day. It’s a Hallmark holiday at best. Even when we were dating, we just didn’t care about that day. But fast forward to now – our daughter’s “love language” is gift giving. As she got older, it bothered her that we didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. So now, we modestly celebrate the occasion, with Jeremy showing the kids how he picked a gift for me, because he wants to teach them to communicate what makes them feel valued. Personally, I can get a candle and some candy any day of the week … but my husband is teaching my kids that he appreciates me, in a way they understand.
The same happens when they go to their grandparents’ house. We make it no secret that we’re going on a date.
Now, some of this we learned from our parents. Some of it we learned along the way. Both my husband and I are children of divorce. While Malachi 2:16 says, “God hates divorce,” Genesis 50:20 states, “What the devil meant for evil, God meant for good.”
If you’re going through a divorce or have been divorced, hear me, from the perspective of your kids: In this season of life, honor God. If you’re remarried, honor God in the marriage you have. If you’re coparenting, honor God in how you communicate with your child’s parent. Talk openly with your kids about marriage (in an age-appropriate way), and support them if they are struggling with the changing dynamic in your family.
Because while the vows say “til death do you part,” understand this: The impact of how you conduct yourself in marriage lives far beyond that with your children.
Courtney and her husband, Jeremy, live in Brandon and are members of Park Place Baptist Church in Pearl. They have a daughter, Taylor, and a son, Jacob. Courtney is a full-time homemaker and can be reached at courtneyingle89@gmail.com.
