By Casey Combest
It was, funny enough, April Fools’ Day when I found myself lying on my back at my studio. I felt dizzy and nauseous; I was beginning to black out and couldn’t catch my breath. After the EMTs arrived and checked me out, they said something that shocked me: “Sir, you’ve just had a panic attack.”
I didn’t think of myself as anxious. I had spent the first 40 years of my life without having a panic attack. But in fact, I wasn’t at the bottom yet. In the following nine days, I had a panic attack or fought them off daily. I found myself questioning what my life was about and wondering if I even wanted to live any longer. Finally, I was able to get on medication, which helped my body get out of fight or flight mode. Medication was something I’d said I would never do. I don’t even take ibuprofen!
During those panic attacks, I thought I might be going crazy. The truth was, I was experiencing extreme burnout. In the previous four months, our business had grown over 100 percent. Foolishly, I’d thought I could buckle down and work 60- to 70-hour weeks. Simultaneously, one of our four children was waking up around 5:00 every morning – annihilating my sleep and making morning devotions brief. On top of raising kids, I was coaching their soccer teams, trying to be involved in church, and saying yes to every opportunity to help and be of use.
But there was a deeper problem: I had begun to fall into the patterns of this world; I had started believing lies; I was being passively conformed.
I loved Jesus. I helped lead Sunday worship sometimes, discipled others, and spent time with God. But most of my days were spent pursuing what this world says is paramount. I was living a whole lot of “Jesus plus” gospels, putting worldly values on par with the Lord. Trust in Jesus, PLUS pursue your dream career path. Trust in Jesus, PLUS look for validation from others. Trust in Jesus, PLUS plan elaborate vacations. But we are called to trust in Christ alone.
The next few months found me seeking counsel and prayer from friends, family, and professionals, all of which helped. Most importantly, the Good Shepherd was retraining me to abide in Him. I want to look to Him for all I need and want in this life and the next. He’s been restoring my soul slowly. He is bringing me back to His green pastures by His still waters. Oh, how often I’ve drunk from fleeting waters and longed for the temporal pastures marketed to me by this world. I repent. And I know I’m not done repenting.
Burnout or a nervous breakdown — whatever you want to call it — is gripping. At times it felt like I would never get relief. If you find yourself in or near burnout, here are a few thoughts I’m trying to apply to my life:
- Slow down. Jesus sustains the heavens, the earth, and all that’s in them – He doesn’t need us to work 70-hour weeks. He’s got this.
- Keep your guard up for how this world can conform you. During those four months of intense “life” before my first panic attack, I let my guard down and allowed the enemy’s seeds to bloom in my heart.
- Don’t be prideful about medication if you need it. Whether homeopathic or pharmaceutical, both helped my body relax. Instead of seeing these as a crutch, I’ve begun thinking of them as another way God empowers us to have dominion over His creation.
- Lastly, connect with your emotions and be comfortable bringing them to Jesus. I didn’t have a paradigm for dealing with fear, loneliness, or shame. I just buried it! When that didn’t work, I made myself even busier. Bringing my emotions to my heavenly Father has been a challenge and a gift. I’m so sad I didn’t learn this earlier.
There are moments when Jesus allows us to be broken so we can unlearn the ways of this world and deepen our abiding in Him. For me (this time), it was extreme burnout. As terrible as it’s been, I’m grateful. The Good Shepherd is using this pain to sanctify me, and He’ll finish what He’s started.
Casey Combest, an entrepreneur based in Madison, is married to Ryen and a proud parent of four — one daughter and three sons. He runs Blue Sky Recording Studios and Blue Sky Podcast, and co-owns CommonHouse Video Productions, all based in Jackson. Casey’s family is actively involved at Highlands Presbyterian Church in Ridgeland.