By Dr. Teena Welborn
How involved are we as parents of adult children? How much advice is needed from us? How do we guide, direct, and love them through their life now? It is so challenging to let go and let them strive to create their own way.
We desire for God’s word to tell us directly what to do, when to let go, when to speak, and when to HUSH. However, He does not specifically tell us how to guide our adult children. Nevertheless, we love them as much today as the first day we met them and want to be that encouragement to them as grownups. So this can be tough at times, letting go and allowing them to practice their own way of life.
I firmly believe that all children should respect and honor their parents at any age. But that does not mean our children have to obey or do everything we ask them as adults. We must trust God with them, and sometimes that means we have to allow them to have their own slip-ups. I know my parents have cried many tears from some of my choices, but they have been a great example of not getting too involved. My mother will be the first to throw me on a prayer list and pray for me, then wait for God. I have to say, it has been amazing to see God work in my life through faithful parents.
One of my favorite parenting scriptures – for raising children or guiding adult children – is Ephesians 6:4. “I declare that parents are not to provoke or embitter their children to anger.” For me, that means we should not be controlling of them, critical, or have demands that are unreasonable. We never want to push our adult children away. It is sad, but I have seen many parents create an atmosphere that pushes their adult children too far, especially when they try to come between them and their spouses.
From everything I have read about God, if we are aligned with His Word, He wants our Christian walk to include love, joy, and happiness. If these attributes are not present in the relationship with our adult children, then I feel we cannot continue to be present. That is difficult! I have three boys and cannot imagine not being a part of their lives. It can be heartbreaking for parents if this happens, and if their actions force separation.
Keep praying, and surround yourself with like minds and other parents with adult children. Other Christian parents can be great support for us. Most of all, keep peace and love in your life, and especially toward your grown children.
Dr. Teena Welborn is a retired educator and author of “Raising Whosoevers to Be the Heart of Our Schools.” Dr. Welborn and her husband of 40 years, Cliff, live in Florence, Mississippi, where they raised their three boys. They are members of First Baptist Florence. She can be contacted at tlmwelborn13@gmail.com.
