By Lee Ozier
I have been working in schools for over 40 years, specifically in independent schools which, due to their smaller size, take on the characteristics of large families. Consequently, over time, it is possible to, in a sense, “adopt” students with whom you spend a lot of time as your own. That being the case, it has been my goal over the years to “parent” these students in ways that hopefully are beneficial to their development as students and persons.
First, I have tried to focus on encouragement and use criticism both very sparingly and in a non-emotional manner (which can be a challenge, especially with your own kids). Like a loving father, God shows us compassion as He remembers our weaknesses and limitations. Ephesians 6:4 commands fathers not to “provoke” their children but instead to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
High-school life can be challenging. Many students are stressed and over-scheduled with assignments, practices, and rehearsals. Provoking is quick and easy but seldom bears fruit. “Bringing up” requires a lot of time and patience. Encouragement and instruction may last years, and discipline may not be completely mastered by graduation night.
The second thing I try to keep in mind when working with students is (to borrow the title of a parenting book by psychologist Wendy Mogul) “the blessings of a B-minus.” The high-school years – when students are surrounded by caring adults in a supportive community – are the perfect time for teenagers to experience failure in some area of life, reflect upon the possible causes (through conversation with a trusted adult), and then take steps to help ensure that the experience does not repeat itself in the future – in effect, to learn from their mistakes.
Ultimately, the “blessings” of positive changed behavior going forward greatly outweigh the immediate impact of an F in Biology or Geometry. Again, a negative reaction is quick and easy but does not bear the fruit that comes from “bringing up” over time.
Finally, I remind myself that there are no lost causes. Over the decades, I have often heard about former students who struggled while with us (and were not able to graduate from our school) who eventually experienced success in their personal and professional lives. God’s timetable is usually different from ours.
At some point in our lives, all of us were without hope until – through the work of Christ on the cross – we received grace, mercy, and the Spirit of adoption. God, our Heavenly Father, has a perfect plan for us, and He has one for our students as well.
Each day at our campuses, teachers, coaches, and counselors sow words of encouragement, instruction, and discipline, knowing that the harvest may not arrive until well into the future.
Lee Ozier is the counselor of Jackson Preparatory School’s Upper School Academic Support, director of the Prep Learning Center, and a proud member of the Prep Class of 1974.
